triathlete, war gamer, martial artist, son, friend
and a man discovering life.

(originally titled The expected, the half expected and the fuck-if-I-expected-this) Time to regroup again. IM (Vineman or otherwise), STP and any other endurance events are out for 2012 as well (see the end of the previous post as to the reason why this happened). So the question, once again, is now what? Unless things change i’m scheduled to get my leg cut open on January 6th (Update: Got the surgery moved ahead to December 22nd) which leaves me without putting weight on it until late February and who the hell knows how long will i be in PT and strengthening my whole body but particularly my legs before I can even consider doing another triathlon much less an Ironman. I’m just getting to the point where I can accept a 2012 without endurance sports. The stubborn me says that I still have time to train for Pac Grove Olympic if [Read Full Post]

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This past weekend has been one of very mixed emotions. I’m psyched for and proud of all my Georgia friends and teammates who completed (or are completing as I write this) Ironman Arizona… It is an awesome accomplishment. I’m also unbelievable bitter that i’m not there completing the event with them… and all because of a broken leg that hasn’t healed the way I expected it to. I asked Drew (my first TNT coach and a good friend since) whether I should push and try to get back in shape for another try with the team here in California. He mentioned my leg not being fully healed as a reason why I shouldn’t try to push this year to do Vineman in 2012 and wait to do a race in 2013. Drew sent me this link: http://www.active.com/triathlon/Articles/Should-You-Do-an-Ironman-Triathlon.htm as an honest gut check regarding whether I should or not. Here is [Read Full Post]

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Of Truth, Lies and Technology

by carlos on November 15, 2011

in Personal

I saw this through a friend on G+ and it just blew my mind and made me think a lot both in terms of truth and lies as well as how can technology help us to lie (or tell the truth) better and how much we delude ourselves by holding on to what we consider to be the truth no matter what the real truth is. That’s why the lyrics of Who Knew by Pink are resonating so much with me right now.

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I hate not finishing something I started. I hate it even more when I can’t finish it because my body betrayed me. I hate it the most when I was just recovering and getting ready for the last push when my body decides I’m not gonna do it. I stopped hating the idea that I had to quit what had been the focal point of my life since January when we first committed to the program and that I’ll miss my friends doing it. I got this on an email from a friend and training captain with the team in Georgia. I’m copying it because it’s the motivation I’m looking for and something to remember moving forward. Sooner or later, you start taking yourself seriously. You know when you need a break. You know when you need a rest. You know what to get worked up about and what to [Read Full Post]

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I thought I was going to be more reluctant about leaving Georgia and I’m not. Part of me is sad and part of me is really glad to be on the way back to California The part that is sad is going to miss the team and the relationships I built there. It was the one positive of the year in exile: Now I know I can do it and where I need to push harder to get my Ironman goal. It will not be the only Ironman by any stretch of the imagination. I want to do more than one but I have to learn whether I can do it or not, whether the Ironman is the limit I’ve been searching for. The part that doesn’t regret leaving is tired of educational politics. It is sick of how people use employees to the last and then discard them like [Read Full Post]

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Reassessing Priorities

by carlos on August 11, 2011

in Personal

The more I learn about the reasons why I was fired (no matter how you phrase it and how you point out that I resigned, I did so under duress so it amounts to the same thing in my book) the angrier I get and the more I stand by decision to move back to California, regroup and decide what’s next. Having allowed the termination letter to go forward would have meant that I agreed with the reasons why I was terminated, I most certainly do not. I have no doubt who complained to my chain of command and eventually got me fired. I’m sad that she thought it necessary to lie and distort facts to get her way but it doesn’t surprise me anymore. She’s just as likely to feed me to the lions than to help me and ‘defend’ me (and in the few times when she defended [Read Full Post]

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Step by Step

by carlos on July 14, 2011

in Ironman Journal,Training

It’s been about a month since I came out from surgery with the pump still attached to my stomach and about 3 weeks since I’ve been able to exercise again. It’s felt like forever and a couple weeks. I started working out as soon as I felt it was safe (and my mom would let me) after the surgery and I’m almost to the point where I feel I’m back on the saddle. I’ve learned the benefits of patience as I get back onto the team’s dynamics and distance. In the old days I would have pushed as hard as possible maybe even before I was ready physically and emotionally. I almost dropped out of the team because I didn’t think I could do it…. I wanted the reassurance that I wasn’t going to die on the road in Tempe come November. Both Mike and Mary reassured me that I [Read Full Post]

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Trust30: Ordinary Things

by carlos on July 14, 2011

in Trust30

“Every artist was first an amateur.” To be an artist one has to find beauty in ordinary things. Find 10 things of great beauty in the landscape that surrounds you. For example, crumple sheets on your bed in the morning, the smell of coffee making its way around a busy office. (Author: Ana Guardia) I love the smell of wet earth while cycling in the rain. I love the way a dog plays with you while you think you’re petting them. I love coming out of the office to rain in the middle of summer I love the way my legs wobble after a hard run or a hard workout I love to let my mind wander and find the little nuggets of wisdom I’ve learned that day

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