Fight or Flight?

MEREDITH: "Human beings need a lot of things to feel alive."
GEORGE: "Family"
CRISTINA: "Love"
IZZIE: "Sex"
DEREK: "But we only need one thing"
RICHARD: "To actually be alive."
CRISTINA: "We need a beating heart."
ADDISON: "When our heart is threatened"
ALEX: "We respond in one of two ways."
GEORGE: "We either run or-"
IZZIE: "We attack."
RICHARD: "There's a scientific term for this."
ALEX: "Fight..."
ADDISON: "...or flight."
MIRANDA: "It's instinct."
MEREDITH: "We can't control it."
IZZIE: "Or can we?"

That's how it feels... like I'm in an emotional fight or flight mode. I need to step back and really take a hard look at where I am and how do I get to where I want to go. Deciding to go to grad school was, and still is, a good alternative but I need to look at it in the larger context of money, life and happiness The flight part of my recent actions is clear now in hindsight. I still want to do it, I still want to get a doctorate but I also need to put it in context and not rush blindly into things without considering the implications of said actions.

  • Would it be easier if I rush into a PhD and leave everything else behind? Sure it would be hell of a lot easier.
  • Would it be smart? Probably not as I'm really struggling with the math part of the GRE and haven't even thought about verbal or quantitative yet

The fight part only became clearer as I was getting my hotdog lunch today (20061004). Rather than rush into things, do them right, even if it's going to take longer. I want to teach and I want to do research but I also want to leave on my own good terms when it happens.

Good monsters
Jars of Clay

All the good monsters open their eyes
To see the wasteland where the home fires rise
And the people shouting, "Why, why, why"
Do you know what you are?
Do you know what you are?
All the giants wake from their sleep
And roll outside of safety's keep
And the pain makes them feel so alive
Do you know what you are; do you know what you are?
We are bored of all the things we know
Do you know what you are; do you know what you are?
Not all monsters are bad
But the ones who are good
Never do what they could, never do what they could
All the good monsters rattle their chains
And dance around the open flames
They make a lot of empty noise
While all of the bright eyes turn away
As if there wasn't anything to say
About the justice and the mystery
Do you know what you are?
Do you know what you are?
We are bored of all the things that we know
And we are forms of everything we love, we love..
If good won't show its ugly face,
Evil won't you take your place?
Nothing ever changes, nothing ever changes
By itself
We are bored of all the things that we know
Do you know what you are?
Because we are so in love with ourselves
We are forms of all the things we love.

Chico can be a tricky place. It can offer a safe place but it can also be a dangerous place. I've grown complacent and lazy

Savin' Me

Savin' Me Nickelback

Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you

Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me

Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you
Come please I’m callin'
And all I need from you
Hurry I’m fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me

Hurry I'm fallin'

I miss the smell of napalm in the morning

Eres Tu
Mocedades

Como una promesa, eres tu, eres tu
Como una manana de verano
Como una sonrisa, eres tu, eres tu
Asi, asi, eres tu.

Toda mi esperanza, eres tu, eres tu
Como lluvia fresca en mis manos
C
omo fuerte brisa, eres tu, eres tu
Asi, asi, eres tu

Eres tu como el agua de mi fuente (Algo asi eres tu)
Eres tu el fuego de mi hogar
Eres tu como el fuego de mi hoguera
Eres tu el trigo de mi pan

Como mi poema, eres tu, eres tu
Como una guitarra en la noche
Todo mi horizonte eres tu, eres tu
Asi, asi, eres tu

Eres tu como el agua de mi fuente (Algo asi eres tu)
Eres tu el fuego de mi hogar
Eres tu como el fuego de mi hoguera
Eres tu el trigo de mi pan

Eres tu...

Chasing Cars

Chasing Cars
Snow Patrol

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?