Fight or Flight?

MEREDITH: "Human beings need a lot of things to feel alive."
GEORGE: "Family"
CRISTINA: "Love"
IZZIE: "Sex"
DEREK: "But we only need one thing"
RICHARD: "To actually be alive."
CRISTINA: "We need a beating heart."
ADDISON: "When our heart is threatened"
ALEX: "We respond in one of two ways."
GEORGE: "We either run or-"
IZZIE: "We attack."
RICHARD: "There's a scientific term for this."
ALEX: "Fight..."
ADDISON: "...or flight."
MIRANDA: "It's instinct."
MEREDITH: "We can't control it."
IZZIE: "Or can we?"

That's how it feels... like I'm in an emotional fight or flight mode. I need to step back and really take a hard look at where I am and how do I get to where I want to go. Deciding to go to grad school was, and still is, a good alternative but I need to look at it in the larger context of money, life and happiness The flight part of my recent actions is clear now in hindsight. I still want to do it, I still want to get a doctorate but I also need to put it in context and not rush blindly into things without considering the implications of said actions.

  • Would it be easier if I rush into a PhD and leave everything else behind? Sure it would be hell of a lot easier.
  • Would it be smart? Probably not as I'm really struggling with the math part of the GRE and haven't even thought about verbal or quantitative yet

The fight part only became clearer as I was getting my hotdog lunch today (20061004). Rather than rush into things, do them right, even if it's going to take longer. I want to teach and I want to do research but I also want to leave on my own good terms when it happens.

Good monsters
Jars of Clay

All the good monsters open their eyes
To see the wasteland where the home fires rise
And the people shouting, "Why, why, why"
Do you know what you are?
Do you know what you are?
All the giants wake from their sleep
And roll outside of safety's keep
And the pain makes them feel so alive
Do you know what you are; do you know what you are?
We are bored of all the things we know
Do you know what you are; do you know what you are?
Not all monsters are bad
But the ones who are good
Never do what they could, never do what they could
All the good monsters rattle their chains
And dance around the open flames
They make a lot of empty noise
While all of the bright eyes turn away
As if there wasn't anything to say
About the justice and the mystery
Do you know what you are?
Do you know what you are?
We are bored of all the things that we know
And we are forms of everything we love, we love..
If good won't show its ugly face,
Evil won't you take your place?
Nothing ever changes, nothing ever changes
By itself
We are bored of all the things that we know
Do you know what you are?
Because we are so in love with ourselves
We are forms of all the things we love.

Chico can be a tricky place. It can offer a safe place but it can also be a dangerous place. I've grown complacent and lazy