Fear, anger and other assorted things


I realized today one very important thing.... I'm scared of not making it to UGA. As I was walking from the GRE prep class I realized that I'm so weak on the Math side of the GRE that I'm not confident if I can make it or not.

Intellectually I know that there is no reason to be scared/afraid of not making it. There are always other opportunities and other schools to apply to if I don't make it... I may even apply for the HW job that I was looking at; assuming that they still have it open by the time I decide to take it.

Intellectually I also know the at the reason I have for being scared is not really a valid one. I no longer have the reason for a "zero defect" behavior. Ever since I was in junior high I've had to prove that I earned things that were given to me because I did it not because of my mom

Consciously or not I've carried that attitude with me ever since. It's helped when I needed to prove myself but when I'm on the emotional wire that I was in last couple weeks, the strength becomes a weakness


I'm still struggling to understand last week. It pisses me off to have people like that who think that they deserve special treatment and who resent it when they are treated gruffly because they deserve it?

I can understand, to a point, that I wasn't acting in a professional manner, I'll give you that. But it was taken way the hell out of proportion and mud was slung all around as a result.... between slinging mud back and just backing off

Other assorted things


When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.


No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. --Don't be trapped by dogma -- which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Steve Jobs' Stanford Commencement Address

"The only certainty we all have is that one day we are going to die". I remember hearing that over and over from some of my friends.

Reading the extract above I have to keep asking myself if there is anything I can change to make things better. It's always easier to change yourself than it is to change others but how much of that change is really coping and how much is it an honest attempt at making things better?

I decided not to settle. There is too many things that I want to do and I can't because I've hit the ceeling where I am now. I'm getting restless and starting to feel like it's time to move on to something else.... When I first moved to where I'm at now


My friends keep telling me:
Hey, life will go on
Time will make sure will get over you
This silly game of love you play you win only to lose

Spending my time -- Roxette



  • REM (Find the river, Shinny Happy People, random stuff)
  • Rush (Test for echo, Vapor Trails)


  • Rainbow Six -- Clancy


  • Trying to Decompress


  • Dirty Dancing
  • Pain Killer Jane
  • Reruns of JAG

What a clusterfuck!



Rush (Test for echo)

I can learn to resist
Anything but temptation
I can learn to co-exist
With anything but pain

I can learn to compromise
Anything but my desires
I can learn to get along
With all the things I cant explain

I can learn to resist
Anything but frustration
I can learn to persist
With anything but aiming low

I can learn to close my eyes
To anything but injustice
I can learn to get along
With all the things I dont know

You can surrender
Without a prayer
But never really pray
Pray without surrender

You can fight
Without ever winning
But never ever win
Without a fight

How do you balance frustration and compassion? How do you balance being encouraging with getting things done on time and on target?

As ashamed as I am to admit I almost lost it at work and almost ripped a coworker a new one I don't regret it, I still think it was appropriate when he tells me that something I'm looking at is not there. The 3 things that happened today were just a sign of carelesness and I don't think I really have to put up with that kind of shit, specially not this week.

I do realize that I didn't handle things the best way possible but WTF; I'm stretched thin as it is and the last thing I need is to have to deal with stuff caused by people not paying attention


Have you ever needed someone so bad
Def Leppard

Here I am, Im in the wrong bed again
Its a game I just cant win
There you are breathin soft on my skin, yeah
Still you wont let me in
So come on

Why save your kisses for a rainy day
Baby let the moment take your heart away
Have you ever needed someone so bad, yeah
Have you ever wanted someone you just couldnt have
Did you ever try so hard that your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad
And you're the girl I gotta have
I gotta have you baby, yeah

There you go, midnight promises again, yeah
But they're broken by the dawn
You wanna go further, faster everyday, baby
But in the morning youll be gone
And I'm alone

Why save your kisses for a rainy day
Baby let the moment take your heart away

Have you ever needed someone so bad, yeah
Have you ever wanted someone you just couldnt have
Did you ever try so hard that your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad

Every dream I dream is like
Some kinda rash n reckless scene
To give out such crazy love
You must be some kinda drug
And if my time dont ever come
For me youre still the one
Damned if I dont, damned if I do
I gotta get a fix on you

Have you ever needed someone so bad, yeah
Have you ever wanted someone you just couldnt have
Did you ever try so hard that your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad, so bad
Have you ever wanted someone, have you ever wanted someone, yeah
Did you ever try so hard that your wourld just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad
And youre the girl I gotta have
I gotta have you baby, yeah
Its a game I just cant win, oh
Have you ever needed someone so bad, yeah
Have you ever wanted someone
Have you ever wanted someone, you just couldnt have
Did you ever tried so hard, yeah



  • Random music
  • Vienna Teng (Random Playlist)
  • REM (Find the river, Shinny Happy People, random stuff)
  • Rush (Test for echo, Vapor Trails)


  • Rainbow Six -- Clancy


  • Trying to Decompress


  • The Shadow Chronicles
  • Reruns of Stargate SG1
  • Reruns of JAG

Even more astute moves from Congress

Spy Act Only Protects Vendors and Their DRM

By Ed Foster
April 24, 2007

Here we go again. Congress has decided it needs to protect us from spyware, but - surprise, surprise - the bill they are most seriously considering actually offers no help in that regard. What's worse, the bill seems designed to make it harder for you to legally go after those who spy on you, particularly if they are doing so to determine if you're authorized to use a software product.

Last week a subcommittee of the House Committee on Energy and Commerce approved H.R. 964, the Spy Act, which bans some of the more blatant forms of spyware such as those that hijack computer or log keystrokes. The bill now goes to the full committee for approval, and it's expected to move quickly as it has strong bipartisan support.

But why? There are already plenty of federal and state laws regarding computer fraud, trespass, and deceptive trade practices that make spyware illegal. The existing laws have been sufficient to allow the FTC and/or state attorneys general to even successfully go after some of the nastier adware companies like Direct Revenue and Zango/180 Solutions. So what is the purpose of this law?

A clue can be found in the Limitations section of the Act, which features this rather broad exception:

Exception Relating to Security- Nothing in this Act shall apply to--

(1) any monitoring of, or interaction with, a subscriber's Internet or other network connection or service, or a protected computer, by a telecommunications carrier, cable operator, computer hardware or software provider, or provider of information service or interactive computer service, to the extent that such monitoring or interaction is for network or computer security purposes, diagnostics, technical support, or repair, or for the detection or prevention of fraudulent activities; or

(2) a discrete interaction with a protected computer by a provider of computer software solely to determine whether the user of the computer is authorized to use such software, that occurs upon -- (A) initialization of the software; or (B) an affirmative request by the owner or authorized user for an update of, addition to, or technical service for, the software.

In other words, it's perfectly OK for basically any vendor you do business with, or maybe thinks you do business with them for that matter, to use any of the deceptive practices the bill prohibits to load spyware on your computer. The company doesn't have to give you notice and it can collect whatever information it thinks necessary to make sure there's no funny business going on. And by the way, another exception provision specifically protects computer manufacturers from any liability for spyware they load on your computer before they send it to you. Of course, the exception for software companies checking to make sure you're an authorized user is the strongest evidence of what this bill is all about. After all, in terms of function, there's not much difference between spyware and DRM. Too bad for Sony this bill wasn't already the law when its rootkit-infected CDs came to light.

Another disturbing aspect of the bill is its enforcement provisions. The bill very specifically pre-empts all state laws that regulate "unfair or deceptive conduct" similar to that covered by the Spy Act. Now, the state spyware laws are pretty useless anyway, so that may not seem like a big problem. But the bill vests all enforcement power in the FTC and says that "no person other than the Attorney General of a State may bring a civil action" under the law. Private rights of action under state consumer protection laws are eliminated. So if you're victimized by a spyware-like deception and want to sue the perpetrator, you've got to talk the FTC or your state attorney general into taking up your case.

Let's sum up. If the Spy Act become law, hardware, software, and network vendors will be granted carte blanche to use spyware themselves to police their customers' use of their products and services. Incredibly broad exceptions will probably allow even the worst of the adware outfits to operate with legal cover. State attempts to deal with the spyware problem will be pre-empted and enforcement left up almost entirely to the FTC. Gee, what's not to like in that deal?

If Congress' approach on this sounds vaguely familiar, it should. It's basically the same formula Congress adopted four years to deal with spam. As we know, the dreadful Can Spam Act of 2003 proved to be the "Yes, You Can Spam Act." If wiser heads in Congress don't prevail - and who knows if there are any - I fear the Spy Act of 2007 will just prove to be the "Vendors Can Spy Act."

How I'm feeling today

Shape of my heart
Sting (Ten Summoner Tales)

He deals the cards as a meditation
And those he plays never suspect
He doesnt play for the money he wins
He doesnt play for the respect
He deals the cards to find the answer
The sacred geometry of chance
The hidden law of probable outcome
The numbers lead a dance

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But thats not the shape of my heart

He may play the jack of diamonds
He may lay the queen of spades
He may conceal a king in his hand
While the memory of it fades

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But thats not the shape of my heart
Thats not the shape, the shape of my heart

And if I told you that I loved you
Youd maybe think theres something wrong
Im not a man of too many faces
The mask I wear is one
Those who speak know nothing
And find out to their cost
Like those who curse their luck in too many places
And those who smile are lost

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But thats not the shape of my heart
Thats not the shape of my heart

Plan The Flight, Then Fly The Plan

By Dale Brown
25 July 2001

This was a response to a reader in the Navy who told me he was a little down because he just finished this long, intense training course, but was far away from home and his family and was afraid of getting discouraged and giving up:

The answer to your question is not an easy one, because there's all sorts of variables involved, but the basic idea is simple: you need to sit and think about what it is that you want to do, what it is that will make you happy.

You need a PLAN. You need a concrete, SPECIFIC thing you want to do or want to accomplish. Then, you need a SPECIFIC, ATTAINABLE, WRITTEN-OUT, and SCHEDULED plan of action to carry it out. Third, you need to BELIEVE you can carry out your plan.

The first and most essential task is the most obvious but often the most This is more than infomercial psycho-babble--in fact, it's the ONLY thing that will keep you from feeling down, no matter what your circumstances are.

Unfortunately, the most important part is usually the hardest part--deciding what it is you want to do or what you want to accomplish. That's why it needs a lot of thought.

When I was in grade school, I discovered I wanted to write. I knew I enjoyed military stories, but I didn't believe I could do it. I started writing in middle and high school, but it was non-fiction stuff for the Grand Island high school paper or the local town paper. It was OK, but it wasn't the stuff I wanted to do.

In high school I wanted to fly, but again (I think because I wore glasses and folks who didn't know what they were talking about told me) I didn't become a pilot--I went into the Air Force as a navigator. I was flying, and I was pretty good at it, but I still wasn't happy.

Three years before I got out of the USAF, I started writing "Flight of the Old Dog." I was still writing non-fiction, for the base newspapers and for computer magazines, and I was even making money as a writer. But as I got into writing fiction, I realized this is what I really wanted to do. I wasn' t making a dime as a fiction writer (in fact, I didn't make any money at it until long after I got out of the Air Force), but I was enjoying it.

Other things started to be affected as I pursued fiction writing, but it didn't matter because I was happy writing fiction. I admit that I was not the Air Force's most highly motivated officer back then. I did my job, but as the Air Force and my commanders often reminded me, they can train a chimp to drop bombs--what the Air Force was looking for were leaders, innovators, guys and girls excited about serving their country and anxious to carry on the traditions and expectations of the American military.

That wasn't me. I didn't care about working on my professional military education or other "square-fillers" expected of rising officers, because it had nothing to do with writing. I didn't care about getting "face time" hanging around the squadron or the O-Club or the golf course. I flew my sorties, pulled alert, and did my additional duties, and when I was done, I went home and wrote. I soon realized that I probably wasn't going to get promoted, so I got out.

I feel I did the right thing by resigning my commission. I had no right to stay in if I wasn't going to live up to the Air Force's expectations. It was my responsibility to follow their doctrine, not to expect them to conform to mine. But I did the right thing for myself also, because now I had a chance to do what I wanted to do.

Things were not wine and song after I got out. My ex had a job, but I was virtually unemployable at my Air Force salary level. I was 8 years behind my contemporaries in education and job experience. I wasn't even good at being a house-husband, because all I wanted to do was write. My new plan was to go to flight school to get my commercial license and instructor ratings. But soon after I got out I signed my first book contract, and I've been writing full-time since.

Yes, there was a little bit of luck involved getting that contract, but as Arnold Palmer once said, "The more I work, the luckier I get." The ONE THING I had going for me when I left the Air Force, the ONLY ADVANTAGE I had that no one else had, was a finished manuscript called "The Flight of Old Dog Zero One" (later renamed by Don Fine as "Flight of the Old Dog"). I was lucky enough to realize that the one thing that truly made me happy was writing, and I pursued it, even though it meant leaving other stuff behind--like a good Air Force career. As it turned out, pursuing that one thing that really made me happy was a turning point.

I didn't know it at the time that it would be so important, but that doesn't matter. The thing that mattered is I was doing something that MADE ME HAPPY.

So that's the objective: figure out whatever it is that MAKES YOU HAPPY, and then figure out a plan for getting it. Everyone talks about the "Mission Statement." You need your own "Mission Statement"--a succinct, understandable, specific goal.

Notice I didn't say "Whatever makes you happy that you can earn a living at." Notice I didn't say anything about money. Rarely does anyone have a goal of earning money and that's it. In fact, many times a thing is not even a goal. Things are usually sub-goals.

Once you figure out what it is you really want that will make you happy, then you have to figure out how to get it. In my case, it was relatively easy: I wanted to write fiction, so I wrote. Notice I didn't say "I wanted to be a best-selling novelist" or "I want to be a millionaire by writing fiction." All I wanted to do was write fiction. Once I started doing that, I was happy. The rest happened because publishers and readers were willing to pay for the stuff I wrote, and because I had a family to support. The goals changed a little bit, but the basic objective stayed the same: write fiction.

This begs the question: How happy could I have been if by doing this, I threw away a perfectly good Air Force career and was earning minimum wage as a security guard while doing it? How could I have been happy if I wasn't earning any money doing it? And isn't it easy to tell other folks to "do what makes you happy" now that I can earn a living writing, something which only a fraction of novelists do?

The answer is a little weird, but it's still true nonetheless: true happiness rarely has anything to do with money. Yes, some folks have earning money their goal in life. They might even have a specific number in mind--a million dollars, or ten million dollars, or they want to be independently wealthy. The problem happens when you achieve the goal. What do you do once you earn a million dollars? You had better have another goal in mind, because a guy with a million dollars and nothing else is pretty much a zero. You think you could stand to be a zero with that kind of money--but you meet a lot of zeroes, and everyone recognizes them as such. Still, if it makes you happy just to have a bank account with a million dollars in it, go for it.

The bottom line is this: if you figure out what it is that makes you happy, and you pursue it, and you achieve it--EVERYTHING ELSE DOESN'T MATTER. You have done what you were put here on Earth to do--make yourself happy.

Sound incredibly self-centered? Sound incredibly selfish? Think you were put here in this life to do things for others, to raise a happy family, to be a good upstanding responsible son, or to make society a better place than it was before you arrived? Then you will always be unhappy. IF YOU ARE NOT DOING WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, YOU ARE WASTING YOUR LIFE. We can all stand to be more self-centered, because then we'd all be happier and the world would be a happier place.

You went to this school because--why? Because you wanted to? Did someone talk you into it? Or was it a stepping-stone to where you really want to be? If it's just a thing you need to do to attain your ultimate goal--and education is often an important part--t
hen simply keep your objective in mind, remind yourself that the loneliness and isolation you feel is part of what you need to feel to achieve your goal, and press on. The feeling of dread will pass. Visualize yourself attaining your goal. Remind yourself that it's necessary to do this thing or go to this school to attain your goal, and focus on the GOAL, not the stepping-stone.

But if you are feeling left out and down because you're not working towards any specific goal, but you grabbed an opportunity or got talked into it or did it because you thought someone expected it of you, it's time to re-evaluate your goals and re-do the plan. Re-discover what it is that will MAKE YOU HAPPY, make a new plan, and get busy carrying out the plan. Nothing else matters.

I don't know what your school is, but let's say your goal is to become a Navy SEAL. Nothing else matters. You sleep, eat, and think SEALs all the time. You see yourself in a RHIB doing an assault. You see yourself setting charges, killing the bad guys, rescuing fellow sailors.

But you apply for SEAL training, and you're denied. You apply again, and are still denied. If you really want it, you'll find out why, and you'll fix it. Yes you're discouraged, but you'll keep on trying because you really want it. You will learn what it takes to become a SEAL. You'll train harder, get in better shape, toughen your mind and your body, study harder. You will keep on working towards your goal because that's what you really want. You' ll talk to other SEALs, talk to SEAL instructors, go in to see the commander and talk about SEALs, go to open houses, show your face. If you want it bad enough, you'll do all these things, and more.

I know this was a long-winded answer to your question, but it's what I believe, and it's helped me through tough and confusing times. People get depressed and discouraged either because they have no goal or because what they are doing is not helping them achieve their goal. But if you focus on the goal and the attainment of that goal is what you really want, then even major setbacks won't matter.

Write anytime! GBA, Dale...

Can you Believe this?

From the VT website (http://www.vt.edu)

Campus remains closed; convocation Tuesday at Cassell

04/16/2007, Updated 3:40 p.m.

Two shootings on campus today have left 22 dead, including students and the gunman.

Counseling assistance for students in available at West Ambler Johnston and McComas Hall until 9 p.m. tonight. Students are encouraged to utilize these services.

Counseling for faculty and staff is available in the Bowman Room on the fourth floor of Jamerson Athletic Center, accessible from Jamerson or the Merryman Athletic Facility.

The university will remain closed Tuesday. Essential personnel are to report for work. Classes are canceled.

A public gathering will be held Tuesday at Cassell Coliseum at 2 p.m.

All students are urged to contact their parents as soon as possible to let them know individuals are safe.

Students, faculty, and staff who have any information related to the incident at West Ambler Johnston Hall and Norris Hall are encouraged to go to the Blacksburg Police Department to make statements, or call 540-231-TIPP (8477), or 231-6411.

More information will be released during a news conference at 4:30 p.m.

Get more details and a statement by President Steger >

At least 31 dead in rampage at Va. college

More than 20 others wounded in worst mass shooting in U.S. history
NBC, MSNBC and news services
Updated: 1:15 p.m. PT April 16, 2007

BLACKSBURG, Va. - A gunman killed 30 people in two shooting incidents Monday at a college in Virginia in the deadliest mass shooting in U.S. history. The gunman also was killed, and at least 22 other people were injured.

"Today the university was struck with a tragedy that we consider of monumental proportions," said Charles Steger, president of Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University in Blacksburg, in southwest Virginia. "The university is shocked and indeed horrified."

President Bush said in a brief televised statement: "Schools should be places of sanctuary and safety and learning. ... Today, our nation grieves with those who have lost loved ones at Virginia Tech."

The shootings spread panic and confusion at the college. Witnesses reporting students jumping out the windows of a classroom building to escape the gunfire, which rang out just four days before the eighth anniversary of the Columbine High School bloodbath near Littleton, Colo., when two teenagers killed 12 fellow students and a teacher before taking their own lives.

Federal law enforcement officials told NBC News that the gunman was dead after he shot more than 50 people at two locations on campus. Thirty-one, including the gunman, were confirmed dead.

At least 22 others were being treated at Montgomery Regional Hospital in Blacksburg and Lewis-Gale Medical Center in Salem, the hospitals said. Six of the victims were in surgery, and five were reported in stable condition. The conditions of the 17 others were not immediately reported.

The name of the gunman was not released. Witnesses described him as a man in his 20s, wearing a maroon cap and a black leather jacket. A spokesman for the FBI in Washington said there was no immediate evidence to suggest it was a terrorist attack, "but all avenues will be explored."

Silent gunman 'just started shooting'
The man did not appear to be shooting at random, NBC News' Pete Williams reported, quoting federal law enforcement officials. He seemed to have specifically targeted the two locations, a coeducational dormitory and an engineering classroom across campus.

Law enforcement officials said the gunman carried two weapons, a 9-mm pistol and a 22-caliber handgun, Williams reported. They said gunman chained the doors of the classroom building so his potential victims could not escape and police could not enter.

A student in the engineering class describe an "unreal" scene with "blood pretty much everywhere."

"None of us thought it could have been gunshots," the student, who identified himself as Trey Perkins, told MSNBC's Chris Jansing in a telephone interview. "... I'm not sure how long it lasted. It seemed like a really long time."
Perkins said the gunman never said a word. "He didn't say, 'Get down.' He didn't say anything." He just started shooting."

The gunman left the classroom and then tried to return, but students kept him out by bracing the door closed with their feet. "He started to try to come in again and started shooting through the door," Perkins said, but hit no one.

"I got on the ground and I was just thinking, like, there's no way I'm going to survive this," Perkins said. "All I could keep thinking of was my mom."

Until Monday, the deadliest mass shooting in U.S. history was in Killeen, Texas, in 1991, when George Hennard drove his pickup into a Luby's Cafeteria and shot 23 people to death, then himself.

The deadliest previous campus shooting in U.S. history took place in 1966 at the University of Texas, where Charles Whitman climbed to the 28th-floor observation deck of a clock tower and opened fire. He killed 16 people before he was gunned down by police.

The rampage began about 7:15 a.m. ET at West Ambler Johnston, a coeducational residence hall that houses 895 people. The campus was still under lockdown, with students asked to stay indoors and away from the windows, when authorities got word of more gunfire about two hours later at Norris Hall, a classroom building.

Some but not all of the dead were students. One student was killed in the dorm, and the others were killed in the classroom, said Virginia Tech Police Chief W.R. Flinchum.

After Monday's shootings at Virginia Tech, all entrances to the campus were closed. The university set up a meeting place for families to reunite with their children at the Inn at Virginia Tech. It also made counselors available and planned a convocation for Tuesday at the Cassell Coliseum basketball arena.

Campus, community left stunned
Jamal Albarghouti, a graduate student, said that instead of fleeing, he began shooting video footage on his cell phone.

"I'm from the Middle East, so I'm not used to this sort of thing, but I've been in similar situations," Albarghouti told MSNBC-TV.

"I heard many gunshots," perhaps 10 to 15 in just 30 seconds, he said. "I don't know who made the shots, whether it was the cops or the shooter."

Albarghouti and other students described a stunned campus and surrounding community after the shootings.

Derek O'Dell, a sophomore biology major, told MSNBC-TV that it was "very surreal."

"At first, I thought it was joke," O'Dell said. "You don't really think of a gunman coming on campus and shooting people."

Albarghouti said: "Everybody here is sad, and you can see that all over. ... We are really looking forward to the end of this, when Blacksburg becomes a really nice town once again."

Bomb threats last two weeks
Police said there had been bomb threats on campus over the past two weeks but that they had not determined a link to the shootings.

Dana Perino, a White House spokeswoman, said President Bush was horrified by the rampage and offered his prayers to the victims and the people of Virginia.

"The president believes that there is a right for people to bear arms, but that all laws must be followed," Perino said.

It was second time in less than a year that the campus was closed because of a shooting.

In Au
gust, the opening day of classes was canceled and the campus was closed when an escaped jail inmate allegedly killed a hospital guard off campus and fled to the Tech area. A sheriff's deputy involved in the manhunt was killed on a trail just off campus.

The accused gunman, William Morva, faces capital murder charges.

© 2007 MSNBC InteractiveNBC's Pete Williams and Tamara Kupperman, MSNBC.com's Alex Johnson, MSNBC-TV's Chris Jansing and The Associated Press contributed to this report.

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18134671/

© 2007 MSNBC.com

Player's Bill of Responsibilities

Summary: You are an adult. Act like one.

For those who need something a bit more explicit.....

Article 1: You are responsible for your own emotional state. Take action accordingly.

Article 2: We are adults creating a SHARED story. Make your arrangements with consideration for all concerned.

Article 3: Boredom and self-development, as in your personal life, are your responsibility.

Article 4: We're all here to have fun.

  • caveat 1: Take actions with the greater good of the game in mind.
  • caveat 2: Don't be a jerk.
  • caveat 3: The World of Darkness sucks. Plan accordingly.
  • caveat 4: Actions have consequences. Plan accordingly.

Article 5: Don't cheat.

Article 6: When in doubt, ask.

Article 7: Communicate.

  • caveat 1: You are responsible for your own psychodramatics. Plan and act accordingly. 
  • caveat 2: ST's are the final arbiters. Plan and act accordingly.

Article 8: Sometimes you have to let assholes be assholes.

Article 9: Actions have consequences. If this causes you extreme emotional duress, you need a break.

Article 10: You are playing a vampire (or other supernatural), not yourself with kewl powers. Roleplay accordingly.

From Grey's Anatomy


The Story
Brandi Carlisle

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
Yeah you do and I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
Is hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through but you do

And I was made for you...

Vienna Teng, REM, KQED, Battlestar Galactica, and Random Music

After a while I went back to listening to Vienna Teng, yet another musician recomended by Alex. It's such a soothing voice and the lyriucs have that same quality that attracted me to Neal Peart's lyrics and Rush music more than 10 years ago.... The lyrics tell a story and, in combination with the music, paint a very vivid protrait of whatever story they are telling; that and it hits just at the right moment.

Eric's Song
Vienna Teng (Warm Strangers)

strange how you know inside me
I measure the time and I stand amazed
strange how I know inside you
my hand is outstretched toward the damp of the haze

and of course I forgive
I've seen how you live
like a phoenix you rise from the ashes
you pick up the pieces
and the ghosts in the attic
they never quite leave
and of course I forgive
you've seen how I live
I've got darkness and fears to appease
my voices and analogies
ambitions like ribbons
worn bright on my sleeve

strange how we know each other

strange how I fit into you
there's a distance erased with the greatest of ease
strange how you fit into me
a gentle warmth filling the deepest of needs

and with each passing day
the stories we say
draw us tighter into our addiction
confirm our conviction
that some kind of miracle
passed on our heads
and how I am sure
like never before
of my reasons for defying reason
embracing the seasons
we dance through the colors
both followed and led

strange how we fit each other

strange how certain the journey
time unfolds the petals for our eyes to see
strange how this journey's hurting
in ways we accept as part of fate's decree

so we just hold on fast
acknowledge the past
as lessons exquisitely crafted
painstakingly drafted
to carve us as instruments
that play the music of life
for we don't realize
our faith in the prize
unless it's been somehow elusive
how swiftly we choose it
the sacred simplicity
of you at my side

The truth is that I'm scared to death as I usually am when making decisions that are important or that have far reaching consequences. I need to stop thinking worst case scenario and put things in a possitive light.

Yes, I haven't taken SAT, ACT, GRE before.... But that's why I'm taking the prep course, isn't it?

Sure, the competition is hard enough that you may not make it but then again you may and you may have to move to Georgia, right? and even if you don't you have a lot more possibilities and options than just Georgia

But on the other hand you know you're going to do your best and it's all that matters.  If you're going to do sometyhing you're going to do it 100% and no less. You screwed around in college where you just cruised and you did ok where you could have done so much better.... This is your second chance, both literally and figuratively, to do better.

Imitation of Life

Charades, pop skill
Water hyacinth, named by a poet
Imitation of life.
Like a koi in a frozen pond.
Like a goldfish in a bowl.
I don't want to hear you cry.

Thats sugarcane that tasted good.
Thats cinnamon, thats Hollywood.
C'mon, c'mon no one can see you try.

You want the greatest thing
The greatest thing since bread came sliced.
You've got it all, you've got it sized.
Like a Friday fashion show teenager
Freezing in the corner
Trying to look like you don't try.

Thats sugarcane that tasted good.
Thats cinnamon, thats Hollywood.
C'mon, c'mon no one can see you try.
No one can see you cry.

That sugar cane that tasted good.
That freezing rain, that's what you could.
C'mon, c'mon on no one can see you cry.

This sugarcane
This lemonade
This hurricane, I'm not afraid.
C'mon, c'mon no one can see you cry.

This lightning storm
This tidal wave
This avalanche, I'm not afraid.
C'mon, c'mon no one can see me cry.

That sugar cane that tasted good.
That's who you are, that's what you could.
C'mon, c'mon on no one can see you cry.

That sugar cane that tasted good.
That's who you are, that's what you could.
C'mon, c'mon on no one can see you cry.

As the day progressed I realized that part of my irritability is control and frustration.  I don't have control over what other people are doing whether it affects me or not... whether it's interviewing elsewhere, or making such a big fucking deal out of something that proved to be minor, or when people fight to defend a turf that really doesn't need to be defended.

I'm frustrated, there is no other way to explain it.  It's kinda hard to move on when you don't see a possibility to advance, either laterally into a different department or up to a more interesting position within the same organization. It's not going to happen regardless of how much I bitch about it so why stay at all. When I started there were several options to advance in my career path... over the last 2+ years all those options have slowly disapeared.  The CDES graduate program is pretty much shut own, little or no possibility of doing training because I can't spend the time learning how the training grop does things and, with boss having interviewed elsewhere, there is really no option of advancement.

MEREDITH: [narrating] "As surgeons, we live in a world of worse case scenarios. We cut ourselves off from hoping for the best because too many times the best doesn't happen. But every now and then something extraordinary occurs and suddenly best case scenarios seem possible. And every now and then something amazing happens, and against our better judgment we start to have hope."

Collins: Why this scientist believes in God

POSTED: 6:15 p.m. EDT, April 4, 2007

More on CNN TV: Questions of science, sex, salvation. What is a Christian? A two-part special on "Anderson Cooper 360°," Wednesday, Thursday, 10 p.m. ET.

By Dr. Francis Collins
Special to CNN

Editor's note: Francis S. Collins, M.D., Ph.D., is the director of the National Human Genome Research Institute. His most recent book is "The Language of God: A Scientist Presents Evidence for Belief."

ROCKVILLE, Maryland (CNN) -- I am a scientist and a believer, and I find no conflict between those world views.

As the director of the Human Genome Project, I have led a consortium of scientists to read out the 3.1 billion letters of the human genome, our own DNA instruction book. As a believer, I see DNA, the information molecule of all living things, as God's language, and the elegance and complexity of our own bodies and the rest of nature as a reflection of God's plan.

I did not always embrace these perspectives. As a graduate student in physical chemistry in the 1970s, I was an atheist, finding no reason to postulate the existence of any truths outside of mathematics, physics and chemistry. But then I went to medical school, and encountered life and death issues at the bedsides of my patients. Challenged by one of those patients, who asked "What do you believe, doctor?", I began searching for answers.

I had to admit that the science I loved so much was powerless to answer questions such as "What is the meaning of life?" "Why am I here?" "Why does mathematics work, anyway?" "If the universe had a beginning, who created it?" "Why are the physical constants in the universe so finely tuned to allow the possibility of complex life forms?" "Why do humans have a moral sense?" "What happens after we die?" (Watch Francis Collins discuss how he came to believe in God Video)

I had always assumed that faith was based on purely emotional and irrational arguments, and was astounded to discover, initially in the writings of the Oxford scholar C.S. Lewis and subsequently from many other sources, that one could build a very strong case for the plausibility of the existence of God on purely rational grounds. My earlier atheist's assertion that "I know there is no God" emerged as the least defensible. As the British writer G.K. Chesterton famously remarked, "Atheism is the most daring of all dogmas, for it is the assertion of a universal negative."

But reason alone cannot prove the existence of God. Faith is reason plus revelation, and the revelation part requires one to think with the spirit as well as with the mind. You have to hear the music, not just read the notes on the page. Ultimately, a leap of faith is required.

For me, that leap came in my 27th year, after a search to learn more about God's character led me to the person of Jesus Christ. Here was a person with remarkably strong historical evidence of his life, who made astounding statements about loving your neighbor, and whose claims about being God's son seemed to demand a decision about whether he was deluded or the real thing. After resisting for nearly two years, I found it impossible to go on living in such a state of uncertainty, and I became a follower of Jesus.

So, some have asked, doesn't your brain explode? Can you both pursue an understanding of how life works using the tools of genetics and molecular biology, and worship a creator God? Aren't evolution and faith in God incompatible? Can a scientist believe in miracles like the resurrection?

Actually, I find no conflict here, and neither apparently do the 40 percent of working scientists who claim to be believers. Yes, evolution by descent from a common ancestor is clearly true. If there was any lingering doubt about the evidence from the fossil record, the study of DNA provides the strongest possible proof of our relatedness to all other living things.

But why couldn't this be God's plan for creation? True, this is incompatible with an ultra-literal interpretation of Genesis, but long before Darwin, there were many thoughtful interpreters like St. Augustine, who found it impossible to be exactly sure what the meaning of that amazing creation story was supposed to be. So attaching oneself to such literal interpretations in the face of compelling scientific evidence pointing to the ancient age of Earth and the relatedness of living things by evolution seems neither wise nor necessary for the believer.

I have found there is a wonderful harmony in the complementary truths of science and faith. The God of the Bible is also the God of the genome. God can be found in the cathedral or in the laboratory. By investigating God's majestic and awesome creation, science can actually be a means of worship.

What is your take on this commentary? E-mail us

The opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the writer. This is part of an occasional series of commentaries on CNN.com that offers a broad range of perspectives, thoughts and points of view.

Your responses

CNN.com asked readers for their thoughts on this commentary. We received a lot of excellent responses. Below you will find a small selection of those e-mails, some of which have been edited for length and spelling.

Lorri Carlson, Prescott, Arizona
I am greatly encouraged to read about Dr. Francis Collins' intellectual and spiritual perspective. It is positively refreshing. A thinking person who recognizes the complementary relationship of faith in Jesus Christ and science! Thank you so much for making this article available.

Alan Goldstein, Powder Springs, Georgia
As is typical of believers, Collins was looking for answers, and when he didn't find them (or more likely didn't care for the answers he found), he turned to superstition. For example, what is the meaning of life? Science would say "Life has no meaning, other than the meaning we give to it." I think this is a wonderful answer, and immensely preferable to, life exists because god was bored. And that our sole purpose for existence is to please god enough, so that we may enter heaven and sing his praises for all eternity.

Hyukwoo Shin, Del Mar, California
It is no surprise to me that an accomplished scientist like Dr. Collins is a faithful believer because he asked himself the right questions. I see so many times atheists in science asking the wrong questions: "Can you prove that the bible is true or that God does exist?" The right questions are pointed out in this article: "What is the meaning of life?" "Why am I here?"

James Lampert, Fountain Valley, California
The best case of all for the existence of a supreme being is in the very laws of physics: the fact that physics HAS laws, and that those laws are knowable, internally consistent, and elegant.

Barbara Liang, Appleton, Wisconsin
Dr. Collins stated that in his late 20s he made a leap of faith and embraced the Christian teachings because he could no longer live with "uncertainties." An emotional quest for certainty and tranquility, no matter how beneficial to the individual, does not a factual system make. I am glad that Dr. Collins has the comfort of his beliefs, but his reasoning does not sound very scientific.

James Hastings, Franklin, Pennsylvania
Thanks for publishing this point of view. I don't agree with the author, but it was refreshing to read commentary that was dif
ferent from the conventional wisdom published ad nauseum. Maybe this sort of writing should appear more often than "occasionally."

John Borland, Waukegan, Illinois
I am with Dr. Collins until he broaches the subject of Jesus. He poses questions about whether it is possible to reconcile Jesus' divinity with science, but he avoids answering them by devoting the remainder of the piece to evolution and the age of the earth. It seems to me that believing in Jesus, or any other divine prophet, requires an egocentric view of creation that goes far above and beyond Dr. Collins' argument for belief in God. To casually insert a reference to Jesus in this piece without addressing that issue seems to me to be an obvious attempt to blur the distinction. It makes the piece seem more like an advertisement for Christianity than a thoughtful discussion of spirituality.

Suzanne Spinelli, Middlebury, Connecticut
I agree with the scientist in the report, however, why is it only Judeo/Christian creation myth that can be 'real.' There are many different creation myths from the past until the present. I think it is offensive to negate all those other myths for the "one true 'real'" myth (depending on one's point of view). After all, who is to say which one is right? Could it be that they are all right in their own way?

Mara Alexander, Alexandria, Virginia
With a Ph.D. in the social sciences, I'd find it more surprising that scientists don't believe in a god or organizing principle of some sort. What we pursue is "truth," with the underlying belief that there is order in the universe if only we can discover it. I don't know that I especially believe in a berobed deity sitting up in Heaven, or in a literal version of the Bible, but I certainly do believe in a higher power of some sort