A video and 3 quotes to frame the reflection
On Growing Up:
I've heard that it's possible to grow up - I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don't go our way, we whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark, we look for comfort where we can find it, and we hope - against all logic, against all experience. Like children, we never give up hope...
Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?
On Denial (Part II):
The key to surviving a surgical internship is denial. We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our faces.
The song in the video is one that I used to listen to a lot growing up. It talks about loneliness and how stupid and unrealistic unconditional love is. It uses the metaphor of being cold and alone. It's not necessarily the content of the song but it's a memory of a different place, something old looked at through new eyes.... There was no dream of an acoustic version of anything when this song was really in the air.
The 2 quotes above are something that's been resonating with me for a while:
Growing old is a requirement, growing up is optional
We live in denial all the time, some more than others
I'll take the second statement and explain it first 🙂
For some of us it's a lot easier to deny that there is a problem. It has always been easier to avoid the issue rather than facing it head on. We lie to ourselves so often that we accept the fiction we create as the reality of our lives. For me, at least, part of it is complacency but also fear. Fear of failure, fear of ridicule, fear of rejection, fear of being afraid and, I think most important of all, fear of being afraid
The first statement is only slightly less complicated
We grow up physically but I think I have yet to meet a person who has really grown emotionally or mentally. Heaven knows I haven't. It's funny how time can seemlingly fix everything and how wrong you are at times and how hard is it to be humble and admit you fucked up and that now you have to live up to the consequences of your fuckup
It would be so easier if neither option (all 3 of them if you consider staying here as an option) if there was no fear involved in choosing what is it I want to do. The fact that I can only look back on the paths not chosen scares the living shit out of me... I've always thought that in choosing you had to be 100% sure and now it dwans on me that it's impossible