Conflicting Goals and Consequences of your Actions

Learn to Fly
Foo Fighter

Run and tell all of the angels
This could take all night
Think I need a devil to help me get things right
Hook me up a new revolution
Cause this one is a lie
We sat around laughing and watched the last one die

I'm looking to the sky to save me
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something to help me burn out bright
I'm looking for complication
Looking cause I'm tired of lying
Make my way back home when I learn to fly

I think I'm done nursing the patience
I can wait one night
I'd give it all away if you give me one last try
We'll live happily ever trapped if you just save my life
Run and tell the angels that everything is alright..

I'm looking to the sky to save me
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something to help me burn out bright
I'm looking for complication
Looking cause I'm tired of trying
Make my way back home when I learn to fly
Make my way back home when I learn to fly

Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone
Try and make this life my own

Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone
Try and make this life my own

I'm looking to the sky to save me
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something to help me burn out bright
I'm looking for complication
Looking cause I'm tired of trying
Make my way back home when I learn to fly

 I think that I understand now why it's so difficult to make a choice... it's a matter of degrees, of whether I want immediate satisfaction or whether I'm willing to take a hit now in order to look at the longer term picture.  

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

Grey's Anatomy

Applying for that job means a change right now and a delay or postponement of any graduate school plan for a year in the best of cases or longer up to being put in an indefinite hold in the worst of cases 

"We're adults. When did that happen?
And how do we make it stop?"

Grey's Anatomy

This past two years have been learning  how to play in a sandbox that keeps getting smaller and smaller as I grow into the position. I've compromised what I wanted in return for getting what I needed (at the time when I came to Chico, I had been unemployed for a while and I wanted to be able to do the stuff I wanted). Don't misunderstand me, it's been great and I've enjoyed most of the people and the learning experiences while here but those have been mostly in project management and soft skills rather than technical learning or training-related learning. Part of the problem with being in a box, to me, is that every so often (2.5 years on average) I get the itch to move and try something new and get a different set of challenges.

Addison: Makes you think, you know? If I went missing would anyone notice I was gone?
Alex: "I'd notice."
Addison: "What?"
Alex: "I'd notice...if you were missing, I'd notice."

Grey's Anatomy

When talking to mom a few days ago she mentioned that perhaps I should do both, apply for a job and apply to Grad School but I've always found it hard to commit to something and then, right after, commit to something else. It doesn't do either one a service, to the job I'd be applying to because I wouldn't be split in concentration and to the University because it's really a hard decision if I want to move or not after such a short period of time.

 


Listening:

  • Rush (Snakes & Arrows)
  • Brandi Carlisle (The story)
  • Foo Fighters (Learn to fly)

Reading:

  • Strike Force -- Brown
  • Rainbow Six -- Clancy
  • The Art of Project Management

Doing:

  • Watching TV
  • Listening to music
  • Creating web pages
  • Writing
  • Trying to get my stupid computer @ home to work

Watching:

  • Grey's Anatomy
  • Dirty Dancing
  • Pain Killer Jane
  • Reruns of JAG