Living life without regrets

Or: The Difference Between a Job And a Career

Can't turn back the years
Phill Collins (Both Sides)

Couldve given you everything that you need
But I cannot turn back the years
The perfect love was all you wanted from me
But I cannot turn back the years

So we have to be strong, and Im finding that hard
We have to move on, but no matter how hard I try
If your hearts in pieces, you look for the truth
And when I look deep down inside I know, its too bad I love you

Sometimes. hits me in the morning, hits me at night
That I cannot turn back the years

So I look out my window, turn off my light
But I cannot turn back the years
Cant make it seem easy, when you're all that I see
Cant live in a dream and I wont serenade the truth
People are hurting and they're looking to me
And I look at you there's nothing more to say, its too bad I love you
But Im never gonna give it up

All that I lived for, all that I dreamed
But I cannot turn back the years
You're the water I drink, you're the air that I breathe
But I cannot turn back the years

So we have to be strong, and Im finding that hard
We have to move on, but no matter how hard I try
If your hearts in pieces, you look for the truth
And when I look deep down inside I know, its too bad I love you

But Im never gonna give it up

How do you define regret? If I got anything else from my conversation with Tim this week is that question. When you make a decision you are committing to something, maybe better and maybe not but it's the commitment that does it for me.

These deceptively simple questions are what triggered this whole line of thought:

  • If you take a job elsewhere and look back after 10 years; what would your reaction be looking back?
  • On the other hand, if you decide to go to Grad School for your doctorate and then look back after 10 years; what would your reaction be looking back then? 

I say they're deceptively simple because they point me to what really makes these kinds of choices so hard. There is no wrong choice. Each choice leads to a different path and that, even more so than having to make a choice, is what scares the crap out of me.

I keep coming back to immediate satisfaction versus long-term stability. As my mom very wisely didn't point out I've always been the kind of person who prefers the right here, right now type of situations regardless of how much they hurt in the long run.

I have an aunt who, whenever she poured anything for you, would say "Say when." My aunt would say "Say when" and of course, we never did. We don't say when because there's something about the possibility, of more. More tequila, more love, more anything. More is better.

Grey's Anatomy

 I didn't realize this potential hurt of this attitude until I started suffering the consequences of not having money when I needed it.

My mom also pointed out something that I hadn't thought about in a while. I regretted tremendously after I found out that my position at SJSU had been fully funded 3 months after I left.

It's one of those what if situations that I really hate. I guess I just have to deal with and accept the fact that I made the best choices with the information I had available at the time. Whether I would make the same kinds of choices with the information I have now is something that I don't really want to get into.... the thing is what to do from now on without worrying about the past and what might have been 10 years ago