Vienna Teng, REM, KQED, Battlestar Galactica, and Random Music

After a while I went back to listening to Vienna Teng, yet another musician recomended by Alex. It's such a soothing voice and the lyriucs have that same quality that attracted me to Neal Peart's lyrics and Rush music more than 10 years ago.... The lyrics tell a story and, in combination with the music, paint a very vivid protrait of whatever story they are telling; that and it hits just at the right moment.

Eric's Song
Vienna Teng (Warm Strangers)

strange how you know inside me
I measure the time and I stand amazed
strange how I know inside you
my hand is outstretched toward the damp of the haze

and of course I forgive
I've seen how you live
like a phoenix you rise from the ashes
you pick up the pieces
and the ghosts in the attic
they never quite leave
and of course I forgive
you've seen how I live
I've got darkness and fears to appease
my voices and analogies
ambitions like ribbons
worn bright on my sleeve

strange how we know each other

strange how I fit into you
there's a distance erased with the greatest of ease
strange how you fit into me
a gentle warmth filling the deepest of needs

and with each passing day
the stories we say
draw us tighter into our addiction
confirm our conviction
that some kind of miracle
passed on our heads
and how I am sure
like never before
of my reasons for defying reason
embracing the seasons
we dance through the colors
both followed and led

strange how we fit each other

strange how certain the journey
time unfolds the petals for our eyes to see
strange how this journey's hurting
in ways we accept as part of fate's decree

so we just hold on fast
acknowledge the past
as lessons exquisitely crafted
painstakingly drafted
to carve us as instruments
that play the music of life
for we don't realize
our faith in the prize
unless it's been somehow elusive
how swiftly we choose it
the sacred simplicity
of you at my side

The truth is that I'm scared to death as I usually am when making decisions that are important or that have far reaching consequences. I need to stop thinking worst case scenario and put things in a possitive light.

Yes, I haven't taken SAT, ACT, GRE before.... But that's why I'm taking the prep course, isn't it?

Sure, the competition is hard enough that you may not make it but then again you may and you may have to move to Georgia, right? and even if you don't you have a lot more possibilities and options than just Georgia

But on the other hand you know you're going to do your best and it's all that matters.  If you're going to do sometyhing you're going to do it 100% and no less. You screwed around in college where you just cruised and you did ok where you could have done so much better.... This is your second chance, both literally and figuratively, to do better.


Imitation of Life
REM

Charades, pop skill
Water hyacinth, named by a poet
Imitation of life.
Like a koi in a frozen pond.
Like a goldfish in a bowl.
I don't want to hear you cry.

Thats sugarcane that tasted good.
Thats cinnamon, thats Hollywood.
C'mon, c'mon no one can see you try.

You want the greatest thing
The greatest thing since bread came sliced.
You've got it all, you've got it sized.
Like a Friday fashion show teenager
Freezing in the corner
Trying to look like you don't try.

Thats sugarcane that tasted good.
Thats cinnamon, thats Hollywood.
C'mon, c'mon no one can see you try.
No one can see you cry.

That sugar cane that tasted good.
That freezing rain, that's what you could.
C'mon, c'mon on no one can see you cry.

This sugarcane
This lemonade
This hurricane, I'm not afraid.
C'mon, c'mon no one can see you cry.

This lightning storm
This tidal wave
This avalanche, I'm not afraid.
C'mon, c'mon no one can see me cry.

That sugar cane that tasted good.
That's who you are, that's what you could.
C'mon, c'mon on no one can see you cry.

That sugar cane that tasted good.
That's who you are, that's what you could.
C'mon, c'mon on no one can see you cry.

As the day progressed I realized that part of my irritability is control and frustration.  I don't have control over what other people are doing whether it affects me or not... whether it's interviewing elsewhere, or making such a big fucking deal out of something that proved to be minor, or when people fight to defend a turf that really doesn't need to be defended.

I'm frustrated, there is no other way to explain it.  It's kinda hard to move on when you don't see a possibility to advance, either laterally into a different department or up to a more interesting position within the same organization. It's not going to happen regardless of how much I bitch about it so why stay at all. When I started there were several options to advance in my career path... over the last 2+ years all those options have slowly disapeared.  The CDES graduate program is pretty much shut own, little or no possibility of doing training because I can't spend the time learning how the training grop does things and, with boss having interviewed elsewhere, there is really no option of advancement.

MEREDITH: [narrating] "As surgeons, we live in a world of worse case scenarios. We cut ourselves off from hoping for the best because too many times the best doesn't happen. But every now and then something extraordinary occurs and suddenly best case scenarios seem possible. And every now and then something amazing happens, and against our better judgment we start to have hope."