I have reason to be a little more hopeful. I've renewed some of my contacts and the possibilities are starting to show themselves and what they will entail. More on this later as things evolve.... will keep the post updated
I'm also starting to feel depressed, angry and upset; I think it's starting to hit me that I was essentially fired and that it was done unprofessionally and in a very shitty way but, one way or another, it does not reflect on me š
Talking to Tim also helps but it's this sad feeling will stay with for a while.... It always has stayed when a stage ends, specially when it ends abruptly like this one has.
However I've felt validated on several front by several different people who had no particular reason to offer the validation other than being honest about it. In doing so I wondered if I was doing the right thing or if I was creating unnecessary problems for myself down the road but it's not a matter of right or wrong, it's a matter of letting people know that whatever it is we shared was important enough to me to let them know that I won't be there anymore and their responses were very touching.
I have to move on... the more I dwell on what happened and how it happened the more I give power over to those who screwed me up. They may not have liked it any more than I did yet the result is the same.... Because they decided that I wasn't who they wanted on their team I am out of a job
It's kinda funny in hindsight... I've experienced each of the three ways to leave a job: I've quit my job at San Jose State, I've been laid off from my job at CVC and I was fired from CSU, Chico (regardless of what Kathy or anyone else says, I was fired and that's how I'm taking it) and each on its own time and put together has taught me something about strength of character, about myself and about what qualities I aspire to develop as a leader and manager.
And here is something interesting, I can put myself on Kathy's shoes to a point. I can understand that there are times when the needs of the team far outweigh any one individual. I can also understand that change is not always welcome and that the best way to tell this kind of news to someone who has access to sensitive information is to do it suddenly and make sure that the person in question doesn't get the chance to damage any of the information that he has access to.
What I can't understand is the need for secrecy. If I had known 6 months or a year ago that more programming was necessary I would have adapted. I don't think I could ever write code as well as Scott, Thomas or Mark by any stretch of the imagination but if properly motivated and with enough time there is no reason why I can't learn to do it.
I can't understand why Kathy didn't change the position description to match what she saw as the real duties of the job. She saw and signed each one of my several position descriptions if she really thought that my position didn't match any of the duties she expected me to perform. She didn't because, IMO, when I was hired I was expected to be Mr. WebCT and that's who they needed as they were getting ready to transition to VIsta; now the transition is all but over she wants someone who can do Perl, Java and Oracle for Breakfast and have production code before lunch.
There is another area. I have to come to terms with the fact that when Scott came aboard I became irrelevant... everyone looked to him for answers and that's ok, but they started ignoring me and, when he became a manager, there was even less I could do. I got slapped hard for "committing the university to a course of action" which I still don't know what it is.... There goes that secrecy shit again
