Table for Two
Caedmon's Call

Danny and I spent another late night over pancakes,
Talkin' 'bout soccer
And how every man's just the same
We made speculation
On the who's and the when's of our futures
And how everyone's lonely
But still we just couldn't complain

And how we just hate being alone
Could I have missed my only chance
And now I'm just wasting my time
By looking around
But you know I know better
I'm not gonna worry 'bout nothing
Cause if the birds and the flowers survive
Then I'll make it okay
I'm given a chance and a rock
see which one breaks a window
See which one keeps me up all night and into the day

Because I'm so scared of being alone
That I forget what house I live in
But it's not my job to wait by the phone
For her to call

Well this day's been crazy
But everything's happened on schedule
from the rain and the cold
To the drink that I spilled on my shirt
'Cause You knew how You'd save me
before I fell dead in the garden
And You knew this day
long before You made me out of dirt

And You know the plans that You have for me
And You can't plan the end and not plan the means
And so I suppose I just need some peace
Just to get me to sleep.

Morning falls like rain into the city life
There goes another night
Losing my breath in waves
Knowing that every crash is bleeding the hourglass
and taking the strife from all our lives

Everyone keeps talking
They promise you everything
But they don't mean anything

We may loose our focus
There's just too many words
We're never meant to learn
And we don't feel so alive

So goodbye, these days are gone
and we can't keep holding on
When all we need is some relief
Though these hard times
Through these hard times

Move your hands in circles
Keeping me hypnotized
The power behind your eyes
Move around your bedroom cursing the naked sky
You should be here tonight
But you stay alone and cry

Say goodbye, these days are gone
and we can't keep holding on
When all we need is some relief
Through these hard times
(whoa) There's something missing
(Oh whoa) You'll never feel it but you
(Oh whoa) You're gonna feel it when it's gone
When it's gone

Say goodbye, these days are gone
and we can't keep holding on
When all we need is some relief
Through these hard times
(hey) these Hard times
(oh no now) Hard times
Hard times

Say goodbye, these days are gone
Say goodbye, these days are gone
These days are gone

This entire line of thought started when I went to Stanford instead of coming down directly to Mountain View like I had planned.... You know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men... it was relaxing and eye opening to see how much Stanford has changed. Change is the only constant of life and something that you'd do well to remember it.

As a boy I drooled twice over a Ferrari  F430 parked in the shopping center. But as cool as that was it wasn't the main thing that I got out of the trip to Stanford.  That gold medal goes to a realization:

One of the things that I need to do is to redefine what friendships are, how they work and what I am ready or willing to offer as part of the deal... It may be a drastic change, it may be a life altering change or it may be as simple as clearing my own expectations when I offer friendship; do I really want just a friend or something more and be clear about it from the get go, both with myself and with the other person involved.

As a second realization comes the fact that I want out of California.  Georgia sounds like such an attractive position because it is not in California.... In a way I am glad not to have heard from CSUS because it would have meant more of the same... same political bullshit, same closeness/insurmountable distance to the people I care about and the same indecision about what is it that I want to do.

While it's true that people can and do change, it is also true that change is always easier where you can redefine yourself completely.

This old heart of mine
Rod Stewart

This old heart of mine been broke a thousand times.
Each time you break away, feel youre gone to stay.
Lonely nights that come, memories that go,
Bringing you back again, hurting me more and more.
Maybe its my mistake to show this love I feel inside,
cause each day that passes by
You got me never knowing if Im coming or going
But I love you, yes I do.
I love you; this old heart weeps for you.

Maybe its my mistake to show this love I feel inside,
cause each day that passes by
You got me never knowing if Im coming or going
But I love you, yes I do.
This old heart weeps for you.
I love you; this old heart weeps for you.
I love you; yes I do.
I love you; this old heart weeps for you.