Dreams
Fleetwood Mac (Rumors)

Now here you go again
You say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down
Its only right that you should
Play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat.. drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost...
And what you had...
And what you lost

Thunder only happens when its raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say... women... they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean... you'll know

I bitched enough about what happened, now to wear my thinking hat rather than my feeling hat and work out plans and get ready for the really hardcore job hunting and definition.

Admission/realization/learning experience #1: I stayed in Chico too long 
Yes, this is the rehash of my kicking myself for not having trusted my instincts, not once but twice.  I went in to my meeting with Kathy with a sense of dread that was only confirmed with what happened.  Trust your instincts  for they have yet to let you down

Admission/realization/learning experience #2: I let others define who I was and what I did
Both in my personal world and in my professional life I've allowed others to define who I am and what I can and cannot do. While professionally it may be ok to let others define you (you may not have a choice in terms of where do the people who cut the pay checks want you to go) the least you can expect is to have an input about it, even if it goes against what you want.

Admission/realization/learning experience #3: I took a job even though I knew it wasn't a good fit for me
I knew going in that it was going to be a tough job. Bill told me when he offered me the position that it was a primarily technical job. I didn't have much choice at the time but I had a choice ever since I took the position.... Could have quit at any point. It's the dichotomies again: Comfort versus happiness; stability versus ambition

Admission/realization/learning experience #4: I hate the political game
I realize that politics are a necessary evil and that it's an essential part of every organization. I still hate the "P" word with a passion even when I realize that I can't really hide from it and be completely politically neutral but I should be able to define the level of political involvement I have in a job (see #2 above for why this is not practical or, dare I say, possible)

Defining what you want for your job

I guess it's my turn to win some or learn some

Jason Mraz - I'm Yours

1. A job where I can exercise the skills I have or be given the chance to learn what I need in order to be successful at my job

2. Even though I have to accept the fact that politics are unavoidable I want a job where I can define what the politics are or move away from politics altogether (and a ton of ice in the Sahara desert too while I'm at it ;-))

3. Professional challenges that stretch what I know and motivate me to learn more in different areas
4. Leadership challenges that put into practice what I have learned about leading a team and, more important IMO, how not to lead a team