Expectations and disappointments

As I am getting ready for Tuesday, long day and full of expected disappointments, I think it's time to reflect on a couple more things before letting the matter rest for a while.

  • What do I expect of those around me?
    • Are those expectations realistic?
    • Are those expectations fair?
  • Do I want to continue building my expectations of others the way I have been doing it so far?
  • Do I honestly want to continue working on education?
    • What do I have to fall back on if the answer is that I don't want to continue working on education?
    • Is that something that I can enjoy long term?

They are not easy questions to ask and, most definitely, are not going to be pleasant questions to answer or to have answered for me. Like I've said before expecting a certain answer doesn't make it any easier to swallow when you do get it and I think that tomorrow is going to be one of those days. 

I managed to get meetings that, hopefully, will address some of the questions I have but I can't shake that "careful what you wish for" feeling.  I have a feeling that I will get confirmation over what I've been told before about the intended nature of my job and the things that I won't be allowed to do because of it.

it's about 11:55 AM on 5/27 and I've been officially unemployed for a couple hours.

It caught me completely by surprise to say the least although it shouldn't have in light of recent conversations with Scott. The fact that Laura basically stopped talking to me and my problems with Ann. I was given one set of reasons which are flimsy at best and they invite a lot of scrutiny.... Scrutiny that I'm trying very hard not to dwell on because it means that I failed at some point and that what Bill Evans mentioned when I was hired came to pass even more drastically than I would have guessed

Best thing I can do for now is to regroup, go to TTIX, prepare for the GRE, finish my application essay and get a job for as long as necessary until I get to grad school.

The first day after Chico State.

It feels so weird to be up before 6 but have to constantly remind yourself that you don't have to go to work anymore. 

I've been busy starting to tie the loose ends that I wasn't allowed to tie yesterday. I had to let a few people know that I'm no longer employed at the university (and still have, I'm anywhere near done) and I still need to figure out what is it that I want to do work-wise

As I am typing this piece, after walking back from the fortress (if you have to ask you're not in Chico and you're not a gamer), Chris Brogan posted this piece on taking risks and the fact that taking risks is a good idea but in measured steps. I think that's where I failed... I allowed confrontation to become my only tool and that obviously backfired. Remember the questions I had asked earlier... 

  • Do I honestly want to continue working on education?
    I think so. As shitty as the experience was it reflects on management at CSU, Chico and not on the kind of job I want to do in education
    • What do I have to fall back on now that I don't have a job?
      Rattling bushes among friends to see if I can get something. Also debating if I want to spend the money on a professional resume or not
    • Is that something that I can enjoy long term?
      We'll just have to see, won't we?

    Listening:

    • Daryl Hall (Dreamtime)
    • Janet Jackson (Escapade)

    Reading:

    • Legacy of the force: Invincible

    Doing:

    • Job Hunting
    • Getting ready for TTIC

    Watching:

    • NCIS Reruns