Keep on Keeping on

 

I stared at Billy for a minute and started to laugh. My own aches and bruises and cuts  and wounds pained me, but it was an honest, stretchy pain, something that was healing. I got myself some dice, some paper and some pencils and settled down with friends to pretend to be Thorg the Barbarian, to eat, drink and be merry

Summer Knight (Book 4 of the Dresden Files)

Part of me is worried sick and part of me is relieved that I don't have to choose where I'm going to yet.  The part of me that is worried sick is thinking that it's going to be 4 months around my birthday since I was canned (whether you call it being fired or them not having renewed your contract the result is the same, I no longer have a job).... I can already hear the gallery saying that I'm fixated on that and that I need to move on. Damn right I'm fixated on it, while I'm moving on part of me is still searching for some sort of closure there and, I'm thinking that there will be no closure until the next job comes up so I may as well move on with my life (in whatever shape it takes.)

Today 9/6 I was downtown Mountain View for the Wine & Arts festival (how could I ever forget that). I had gone downtown, initially for a cup of coffee, a quiet place to read and enjoy my latest Dresden Files (and, btw, if you haven't read that series and you are in my taste of books, you owe it to yourself to try it) I got 1/3 of my objectives, I did get my cup of coffee, but even though I didn't do as much as I wanted, it was still quite relaxing.

For the first time since I moved down to Mt. View with Mom that I find myself at peace with myself.  As I wrote elsewhere the bay area does change me whenever I'm here and this time has been no exception. Whatever happens will happen whether I get depressed about it or not.... A friend directed this at me in twitter:

Go Carlos...  I am sure all of those [jobs] with come true

The more I think about it the more you have to keep faith with God and myself.  I keep getting little "mini-lessons" about life and happiness, I just need to actually process them. Perhaps the most important lesson to date, is to learn to enjoy life like a child does.... how quickly are they to smile and to enjoy little things in life and laugh (and cry) so freely, without a care in the world.  It is good to realize this now and learn from it

On a totally unrelated note, this song makes me want to dance, even though I have no idea what it says (maybe a hint of an idea).  That's one of the things that surprised me today, There was a big stage with a cover band playing and my feet almost automatically wanted to dance... it's kinda embarrassing but who cares, most definitely not me 😀

There is something to be said for just letting go. I remember when I tested for sho-dan in naginata. I was all worried all sick until I realized that I had no control over the results and that all I could do was my best and that worrying about it wasn't going to help me achieve the goal of passing the test. Once I let go of the worry, I found out I could, and did, a lot better.  Job applications are the same.... you can only do the best you can and the results will have to look after themselves.  Perhaps R.E.M got it right: It's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)

Let's face the music and dance
Diana Krall

There may be trouble ahead
But while there's music and moonlight and love and romance
Let's face the music and dance

Before the fiddlers have fled
Before they ask us to pay the bill and
while we still have the chance
Let's face the music and dance

Soon we'll be without the moon, humming
a different tune and then
There may be teardrops to shed
So while there's moonlight and music and love and romance
Let's face the music and dance

Soon we'll be without the moon, humming
a different tune and then
There may be teardrops to shed
So while there's music and moonlight and love and romance
Let's face the music and dance