(Sorely needed) Perspectives

Whether it's the job I am applying for in San Diego or something else that comes along as I move forward the lyrics below resonated with me today.

Oh patron saint of lonely souls
Tell this boy which way to go
Guide the car, you got the keys
Farewell to mediocrity
Kicking off the cruise-control
And turning up the radio
Got just enough religion
And a half tank of gas come on, let’s go

Bon Jovi -- Lost Highway

Other things made me think about the songs below. I'll explain after each one

White Flag
Dido

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

There are times when just saying to hell with everything is so tempting... but then, when you really think about it, surrender and/or running away is never the answer. If I am removing myself from a situation it's because the situation itself became untenable and I don't want to keep hitting my head against a wall that won't break; it's not healthy for my head or clean for the wall to have all the blood splatters.

As much as I hate to admit it, Chico has become that kind of wall. Maybe not a literal wall but one where I don't know and am afraid to do things because I don't really want to have to deal with the repercussions. I used to think that management trusted people with making judgement calls and running with issues and problems.... now I don't think that's the case.

This is as true in relationships as it is in the rest of the world, if not more so. I don't want to invest the emotional energy that takes to build a relationship... I'm guessing I'm too self centered for that or that I haven't found the right person to justify the emotional investment. I thought I had but now I realize it was a nice idea that would never work (Not that I'm going to quit but I have to be realist enough to know that the most likely result is)

Limelight
Rush (Moving Pictures)

Living on a lighted stage
Approaches the unreal
For those who think and feel
In touch with some reality
Beyond the gilded cage

Cast in this unlikely role,
Ill-equipped to act
With insufficient tact
One must put up barriers
To keep oneself intact

Living in the limelight
The universal dream
For those who wish to seem

Those who wish to be
Must put aside the alienation
Get on with the fascination
The real relation
The underlying theme

Living in a fisheye lens
Caught in the camera eye
I have no heart to lie
I cant pretend a stranger
Is a long-awaited friend

All the worlds indeed a stage
And we are merely players
Performers and portrayers
Each another's audience
Outside the gilded cage

I've realized something over the past few weeks.

Because of you
Kelly Clarkson (Breakaway)

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you