Bravado
Rush (Roll the bones)

If we burn our wings
Flying too close to the sun
If the moment of glory
Is over before it's begun
If the dream is won
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price,
But we will not count the cost

When the dust has cleared
And victory denied
A summit too lofty
River a little too wide
If we keep our pride
Though paradise is lost
We will pay the price,
But we will not count the cost

And if the music stops
There's only the sound of the rain
All the hope and glory
All the sacrifice in vain
[And] if love remains
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price,
But we will not count the cost

Don’t plan in advance…

Plan your life and go for it…

Don’t let your dreams die because you didn’t do anything about it…

At one point or another I’ve heard all the lines above and enough permutations to write a book. But lately I’ve been feeling a little adrift, like the plans don’t really matter and that I have no frigging clue as to where I’m going and feel pulled in so many directions that it’s not even coming close to amusing, let alone funny.

Let’s see. Where do I start?

Oh yeah, after 10 years I finally gathered the courage and the determination to apply to a PhD at UGA. Doesn’t matter that I’ve said I’ll do this since I started my MA at San Jose State; Doesn’t matter that I’ve had the application packet 4 times in the past 5 years and I sat on it.

Now that I have pretty much everything done I’m realizing that doing things at the last minute is not the best way to do them.  particularly where long term impact is known or suspected.

I’m worried about the GRE results. While it’s true that I’m not that far away from the minimum goal I want, It’s definitely becoming a vicious circle… I’m getting frustrated because I’m not understanding a lot of the GRE stuff and the frustration makes me do worse and understand less.

What else?

My relationship with my mom has hit a rough patch. I’m working hard at understanding her but she’s making it really difficult and I don’t really have the energy, physical or emotional, to deal with it. We had a talk today (1/17) and I think it’s going to have an effect.