Rush themed post, in case you hadn't noticed 😛

What do I want and how do I plan on getting there. That seems to be the question on my mind lately... but the question itself won't do me any good unless I can provide answers... to the questions I've already asked and those that I have yet to ask.

As planned, my last day will be November 10th. I don't see a need to stay any further and I hate to already have worn my welcome as thin as I did as quickly as I did. Truth be told I don't want to be here... I don't fit the system and I'm tired of having hysterical people around me who think that, because it's ok for them to work 60 hours a week it's ok for everyone to do so. I love working for my current boss but a recent incident proved that it's not enough to like working with some people and not others... because we are a team one person not liking another breaks the whole team dynamics.

There was another incident that happened last week that really makes me uncertain as to role and place in this team. I was asked what kind of instructional designer I was and then there was a long conversation between our dean and my boss as to what would the characteristics of their ideal person would be... I don't think I'm it and if I'm not then I don't want to be here (again)

Do or do not. There is no try - Yoda

We'll try a different strategy this time.... We'll just go for it and not worry about falling flat on our faces; after all it won't be the first and it won't be the last time. Worry about being happy and worry about making a difference. Karma will sort the rest because, as much of a bitch as karma is, at least it's a fair bitch who will give you what you deserve.

We don’t beat the reaper by living longer, we beat the reaper by living well and living fully
Randy Pausch

Both Time Stands Still and Marathon remind me (again) that life will wait for no one. There is no "stop the world, I wanna get out" option. You get to play the cards given to you... what you do with them is up to you for better or worse.

Fear is a great motivator, if you let it, if you don't stop whenever things get tough. Life's challenge is a limited time offer. Either you get it now or you loose it buddy 🙂

Right now I'm afraid that I'll end up fired before I'm ready to move back. I'm afraid, once again, of being irrelevant, of not having a real purpose while going into the office from 8 to 5 and then off to training and to do the things that are really important right now.

But, you know what? This time I'm ready to take it as it comes... I'm tried of being afraid and I'm tired of holding myself back

I am trying to figure out what I want and what I can offer. I even did a mindmap of where would I want to be to do it. Location independence is nice but it's not the ultimate goal. The ultimate goal is to have enough income and a schedule that is flexible enough to allow me to do the crazy stuff I want to do.

Dreaming is big but it also has to be grounded. The chorus for Presto reminds me of those dualities. "I'm not one to believe in magic, but I sometimes have a second sight."

We'll see if it works this time 😛