Why am (was) I so intent on an Ironman?

This past weekend has been one of very mixed emotions. I'm psyched for and proud of all my Georgia friends and teammates who completed (or are completing as I write this) Ironman Arizona... It is an awesome accomplishment. I'm also unbelievable bitter that i'm not there completing the event with them... and all because of a broken leg that hasn't healed the way I expected it to.

I asked Drew (my first TNT coach and a good friend since) whether I should push and try to get back in shape for another try with the team here in California. He mentioned my leg not being fully healed as a reason why I shouldn't try to push this year to do Vineman in 2012 and wait to do a race in 2013.

Drew sent me this link: http://www.active.com/triathlon/Articles/Should-You-Do-an-Ironman-Triathlon.htm
as an honest gut check regarding whether I should or not.

Here is the gut feeling / knee jerk answer

For most of 2011 my life revolved around work and training. Saturday, August 23 I fell and my bike fell on my leg... result: fibula partially broken. I still remember when I spoke with Mike (Gaw one of the coaches from the Georgia Iron Team) and we both decided that it was not going to be possible for me to continue training. Right then and there I decided that I was going to try again in 2012... it's got nothing to do with pride (at least it wasn't initially thought with that goal) but it was as a motivation to heal, recover and move on both in my endurance challenges and the rest of my life.

As hard as it may be for some of my friends to believe, endurance sports has become the center of balance on my life... yes, part of me wants to really see if I can do an Ironman (and more than once as time/energy/life permits) but it has also to do with the friendships you make and the single minded desire to work towards a goal and accomplish it. While I was in Georgia it was the training that kept me from saying fuck this shit, packing and going home... I ended up packing and going home anyway but that's a different story.

Now for the specific answers to the questions

What is your financial status or your predicted status a year from now?

I'm fundraising for TNT so it shouldn't be as hard as if I was paying for a coach out of pocket. I also have money that I'm transferring from Georgia. If I had to do it out of pocket it would amount to $400 a month. I still think that's doable.

Do you need a massive new goal to motivate you and your training?

Yes, I most definitely do! Even though it's a moot point (more on this later) I still need to feel that I have something to accomplish.

Are you avoiding other projects in your life?

How are your relationships with your family and friends?

Would a year of racing focused on shorter faster distances help set you up better for Ironman success?

Maybe you need to shake off some of the heavy endurance muscles and tap into speed in your legs that may have been beat down from years of long-distance training.

Are you in optimal health?

No, that's why I'm wondering whether I should or not. I'm not healthy right now but am counting on my body to have fully recovered by the time serious training starts.

Are you trying to qualify for Kona?

Not until I have 5 IM races under my belt will I consider the possibility of trying to qualify for Kona

Are you trying to PR on a favorite course?


Have you considered signing up for a race with a group of people?

I want to do it with TNT. It'll be interesting to see who the coach is when my body finally decides to let me do this shit.

Are you turning this trip into a family vacation?

Don't know yet... I don't have a partner to travel with

The veredict

I went to the doctor on Wednesday (11/23) and the conversation went something like this:

Doctor: How are you doing?

Me: I hope i'll be doing better. Do you have any news for me?

Doctor: I do.

Me: Good News or Bad News

Doctor: It depends on whether you're in absolutely no pain or not

Me: Bad news then. I'm still in pain.

He then proceeded to explain o me that my bone wasn't fully healed, that they best solution is surgery, what would the bone graft surgery do and that I would be down for 6 weeks before I'd be allowed to put weight back on the leg.

This renders the discussion of whether I'm ready to do an Ironman moot as I will not be ready to develop baseline until January or February...

Yeah, fuck me about sums it up